hey all ! what am i doing right now?? absorbing every ounce of vitamin D through these aging, thirsty windows … which are suddenly conspicuous of their need for a thorough wash.
this sunshine is like breathing fresh air after a l o n g deep sea dive. it’s barely afternoon, people, and the sun beats 80 degree weather on this pale winter skin. actually, my ghostly color is permanent. believe me. i’ve tried to alter this fact. ask my sixteen year old self one summer afternoon at the lake.
this sun burst week sings in tune with my positive mood and changed perspective. i must admit, i’ve been swimming tired through severe doldrums and battling low self-esteem. struggling with identity and my own self-worth.
winter was long. winter was challenging.
until recently, I was struggling B A D with sleep deprivation. baby Teddy [ i will write his birth story soon, i promise! ] has finally accomplished consistent nighttime sleep. dear Juliet accomplished this much sooner – partly because one child is entirely different than two and mostly because he’s, honestly, too adorable, tender and gooey with his love-eyes that i have been soft and lenient. caring for two babies during the busy holiday season, battling colds and flus, all while reconnecting as a family after a 6 month deployment is quite the balancing act. sooo i’ve lacked inspiration and drive to do many things including writing and reading.
but … now the tide is changing.
i spent a little time writing in my journal last night. journaling for me is often a bit like free writing with some doodling and even prayer at times. this particular session included all three as i reflected on this change of pace.
now i am waking up, restful and gaining energy, motivation and momentum. i feel so ready to tap into the deep waters. to discover my place in His kingdom…
…i feel truly as if i was in a deep slumber – or at least my soul has been. nourished enough but almost hibernating.”
i adore my babies and this humbling journey we call motherhood. even as i spend my days standing deep in this challenging season of two babies while aching for more time with my ever-gracious, strong-heart husband, i must not forget myself. i must not forget who i am, first and foremost. i am a daughter in the heavenly kingdom; claimed and created to carry the name of Jesus with every ounce of love i can muster each day. what will that look like this year? growing roots in this new church plant; making new friends in this family of believers; watching our babies grow into playmates. i am anxious with a deep whirring joy and purpose.
as if in trenches, i have been lifted out; lifted up; carried away to a clear and beautiful space, golden with truth and love.
i have never breathed in such fresh air.